if i were a boy

i heard this song over the radio and just like the song of mariah carey (touch my body) i got hooked.. i suddenly remembered one old fave song of mine - the remix of how could an angel break my heart - and shivered at the similarities of the two songs.. (i just realized the themes of the songs that i like.. hmm.. moving on), funny how different men and women think noh.. one thing is for sure both assume.. am i right? think about it! both assume that the other would know what he/she needs and wants. and here lies the dilema.

the fortunate ones were able to find ways to understand and weave this 'man-woman-intricacies'.. the unfortunate ones keep on trying to look for the ones that can weave theirs..

as for me.. hmm.. i get it sometimes and most of the time i dont! i just live each day at a time and well, make mistakes one after the other! and when i listened to this song.. the lines that most trikes me is the line of Lee "I'd listen to him cause I don't know everything" figure it out! ahahaha!


If I WereA Boy Remix Lyrics

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they'd stick up for me
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a girl
even just for a day
I'd get out of bed in the morning
and take forever to get ready
Complain to my friends
as if they got a man
They talk about you cause they're jealous
and I just stay and listen to it (I should get rid of them)
If I were a girl
I dont think I'd understand
how it feels to love a boy
I swear I'd be a better woman
I'd listen to him
cause I don't know everything
I would always try to tell him that he needs to treat me better
Like I don't gotta change at all
If I were a girl
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that? (I don't)
If you thought I would wait for you,
you thought wrong (I did wrong)
But you're just a boy
and you're just a girl
You don't understand
No you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
and you don't listen to him
You don't care how it hurts (you don't care how I feel)
Until you lose the one you wanted
cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
and you're just a girl

dreams

dreams.. pangarap..
hindi panaginip..
meron nga ba ako nito?..
ano nga ba gusto ko..

sa totoo lang
i lost track of my dreams already..
ni hindi ko nga alam kung nagkaroon ba talaga ako nito
siguro nga meron...
pwede rin wala talaga..
akong ako ito..

gusto ko lang mapaligaya ang mga taong mahal ko..
masaya sila..
masaya na rin ako..
pero parang ang hirap nang mapasaya sila..
ni hindi ko nga alam kung talagang napasaya ko sila..
o ilusyon ko lang ang lahat..

baliw..
tanga..
madalas ko ng tawag ito sa sarili ko ngayon..
baliw kasi kung ano-ano na ang sumasagi sa utak ko..
tanga kasi kung ano-ano na ang pinaggagagawa ko..
wala namang katuturan..
wala namang maiaambag sa pagtupad ng pangarap..
ano na nga ba nangyari sa akin?..

napasimpleng bagay hindi ko makita..
napakasimpleng bagay hindi ko magawa..
napakasimpleng bagay pinahihirapan ko..
baliw..
tanga..

pakiramdam ko tumatanda ako
ng walang kinatatandaan..
madalas naman pakiramdam ko
hindi ako tumatanda..
ano nga yong madalas kong sabihin sa sarili ko..
hmm..
ahhh..
GROW UP..

nakakatawa..
kailangang pagawayan parati para magsink in..
ganon talaga dapat ang approach sa akin..
hindi ko maiintindihan ng isang beses..
kailangan paulit-ulit..
at kahit iyon walang garantiya na maalala ko..
o na gagawin ko..
ganon talaga..

mahirap maging ako..
mahirap ang mahalin ako..
mahirap maging kaibigan ko..
mahirap..
tapos..

kaya pangarap...
ha..
eh yong araw - awar ko ngang gagawin
hindi ko maisip..
mangarap pa kaya..

burn out

it happens to the best of lovers and friends.


O, wag kang tumingin ng ganyan sa akin
'Wag mo akong kulitin, 'wag mo akong tanungin
Dahil katulad mo, ako rin ay nagbago
'Di na tayo tulad ng dati, kay bilis ng sandali
CHORUS
O, kay tagal din kitang minahal


Kung iisipin mo, 'di naman dati ganito
Teka muna lang, kelan tayo nailing?
Kung iisipin mo, 'di naman dati ganito
Kay bilis kasi ng buhay, pati tayo natangay


[Repeat CHORUS]


Tinatawag kita sinusuyo kita
'Di mo man marinig, 'di mo man madama


[Repeat CHORUS]

for inquiries

a lot of people have been asking us when will we tie the knot and well i am sick and tired so i might as well say it here.. when we are good and ready.. seriously. i know 7 years is quite a long time to get to know each other and believe me we are past the stage of getting to know each other already. and there is no doubt in my mind that he is the one. its just that we have certain plans that we would want to push through first. (for those who knows bernard you know what i mean) no we are not immigrating anywhere (yet). we would want to be stable first before we rock the boat! dnt worry when the time comes i will tell you!

for now, we are loving each other more and more...

davao adventure

i went to davao with the girls, my family. there is my lola (and we call her simply tita) my older sister (pia). my youngest sister (lia) and her friends (joan). we wanted to go out of town and since our trip to macau, china and hong kong got cancelled we figured we'd see davao instead. here is the deal, we do not know anybody in davao. that is, we are going there like a tourist in our own country!

booking the flight: my older sister found a package in PAL website. 3 days round trip tickets with hotel accomodations. not bad. and yes, PAL makes packages. when you call them to inquire about it though, you have to insist and quote the website that you saw. i am not sure how their call centers work but it seemed like the operator did not know that they have that package! so insist on it! go online with the agent if you have to!

when booking, you have to ensure the departure time in manila arrival in davao (or any other destination), check in and check out time of the hotel you are staying in and departure time in davao and arrival in manila. JOT IT DOWN so you won't forget! these things are really important for you not to miss your flight (esecially for first timers). make sure you know the check in and check out time of the hotel. sometimes (like in our case) you have to pay extra if you would arrive before the hotels' check in time or if you have to stay beyond their check out time. they will not tell you this! so ask away!

PAL requires you to go to their nearest office to present ids for final booking. make sure you know where to go! never be afraid to ask for directions. that's what they do! and please phrase your questions nicely! you will get more believe me!

ours was the first flight out of manila - 4:40 am! so we got the centennial airpot (NAIA) at about 2:30 am. domestic flights are not that strict in the time. just make sure you have ample time to check in your luggages and you have a leway for the traffic! TIP for domestic flights! please wear slippers! yes, slippers. i don't care what kind they are! you can wear ordinary house slippers for all i care. you will be required to remove your shoes and slippers before entering the airport itself. so imagine if you are wearing shoes or worst sneakers!

in davao: make sure u know where you want to go. how do you go about this? research mate! check out the hot spots and yes tourist attractions. what are the things davao is known for (or your destination), that sort of thing. then select which appeals to you.

i am a nature lover so we went to the cocodile park, we went to see the philippine eagle (hey i still know the scientific name of the monkey eating eagle after all these years!), jack ridge, japanes tunnel, and then we went to the beach! and of course shopping!

ok, here's the thing. it would be cheaper if you rent a car or a van! they go about it by the hour. you can choose trips in 5 hours, 8 hours and 10 hours. you can chose from the ones provided by the hotel or you can look for a rent-a-car company on your own. if you are not sure where to go, the drivers will help you out! (davaoenios are so friendly and helpful!)

i have to tell you this. i got a little disappointed with the sites i have seen. maybe because i have been to other countries and other places in the philppines and have something to compare they have.. and well, it's nothing new. added to that is the fact that none of my adventuremates like to take pictures as much as i do! so that's a bummer! but hey. don't let me deter you from finding our for yourself!

as for "bubong" or pasalubong to the people you left wherever. the best place to find fresh fruits is bangkerohan, their local wet and dry market. you can find fresh flowers here too. however, the prices, it seems, are no different from the prices here in manila! still hey, these are the real deal - straight from the farm. as for the durian candies. hey, better go to sm davao for this. and i am serious! their durian candies are cheaper ang fresher! and you can use your credit card! wuhOO!

happy tripping!!!!

goodbye

this letter was sent to me via email and i'd like to share it here..
it's really simple and thought provoking..

A genius says goodbye.

FAREWELL LETTER
He says:
If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life,
I would use it to the best of my ability.

I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind,
but I would be more thoughtful of all I say.
I would give merit to things not for what they are worth,
but for what they mean to express.

I would sleep little, I would dream more,
because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light.

I would walk while others stop;
I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life,
I would dress in a simple manner,
I would place myself in front of the sun,
leaving not only my body,
but my soul naked at its mercy.

To all men,
I would say how mistaken they are when they think that
they stop falling in love when they grow old,
without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.

I would give wings to children,
but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.
To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but it arrives with forgetfulness.

I have learned so much with you all,
I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken & the form used to reach the top of the hill.

I have learned that when a newborn baby, with its little hand,
holds his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.

I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think.
If I knew that today is the last time that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and
I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul.

If I knew that these are the last moments to see you,
I would say 'I love you.’
There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right,
but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me,
I would love to tell you how much I love you & that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.
Today could be the last time to see your loved ones,
which is why you mustn't wait;

Do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives.
I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today
to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them.

Love them and treat them well;
take your time to tell them 'I am sorry';'
forgive me', 'please', 'thank you', and all those loving words you know.

Nobody will know you for your secret thought.
Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them.
Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

Send this letter to those you love.
If you don't do it today...tomorrow will be like yesterday,
and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.

For you, With much love, Your Friend,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

He famous writer from Colombia, and Nobel Peace Prize winner for literature, has retired from public life for reasons of health. He has a form of cancer, which is terminal. He has sent a farewell letter to his friends.




My life is God's gift to me, what I make of it, is my gift to God!

senti - sentihan in general

i have come yet again to the time of the year when i feel totally down and sentimental. when my world seems to crumble down and i can not do anything to cope. shitty. crappy.. that's how i feel. and no matter how much pep talk i try to give myself nothing seems to work. nothing seems to bring me out of this feeling of inadequacy at self-pity. yes big words dude.. big words..

i started cleaning the house a few months back and up until now i am far from done. things from our house before still scatter the make shift walk in closet my ate and i made, the bodega and the whole house. i am missing important pieces of my life little by little.. i remember we had the nice rectangular dining table - where is it now? where was the flower bernard gave me on our first date as a couple? where are my mom's stuff? painful. heart breaking. they may be little things to others but let me tell you it's a sleepless and tearful night for me. nothing is little for me. nothing.

i love taking pitures. it's not so much as how we look but the event behind it. i remember in detail the event behind every pic i have. whether i am in that picture or not. it's not vanity. most of the pictures i have and took does not even include me. i want to capture the moment and relive it everytime i see the picture. i want to see details of that thing to store in my ever sentimental heart and memory. some say it's funny and stupid. and sometimes it gets to me. i dont take pictures as often as before.

a lot of people my age are getting merried already. i see their pics and to be honest i am a little jealous. i guess all women feel the same way about weddings. when would it be my turn and stuff like that. but it's not that that pains me. it's the kowledge that my mom would never be there to see it and celebrate with me. she loves weddings and would definitely kill me if mine would not pass her standards. i will try mom. i miss you..

i want to go certain places. do certain things but am hindered with one thing - money. i am really poor when it comes to spending money wisely.. i have to change this i know.. just as soon as..

i have a liscence but no car. i am not even allowed to borrow my uncles' car to practice more. as much as i would like to buy myself a car - as if! in the future. my own car. nobody to tell me when to use it. where to use it. or if i would have money for gas.

i have a sim card but no phone. i don't want hand me downs with strings anymore. i can afford one. as soon as...

stupid pride. stupid honor. i never don't want the utang na loob thing. it's blackmail. i will murder for that.

i don't really believe that people change. they may know more and experience more but they never change. no matter how much they say they did or how much you see their "improvements". they don't. they just wrap themselves in different packages to let you believe. i want to believe i am a good judge of charater. i have yet to fail in my impressions and assumptions of other people. i have seen quite a lot of people to say this. i can see what they can do. best to stir clear.. best to be cautious.. you can't avoid them you see.

i am slow. slow to understand things - as in comprehend. i get it now. i get it.

life and all it's trimmings. how exciting!

i love this song!

a new song from Mariah Carey and i am crazy over it! check out the lyrics!

i have always believed that the songs you sing tell something about the way you think and feel at a perticular time.. AHAHAHA! what does this say about me?!

MC, you're the place to be
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I'd be all up on you
I know you got that fever for me
Hundred and two
And boy I know I feel the same
My temperature's through the roof

If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby I'm up in my bidness
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

Boy you can put me on you
Like a brand new white tee
I'll hug your body tighter
Than my favorite jeans
I want you to caress me
Like a tropical breeze
And float away with you
In the Caribbean Sea

If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
[ Touch My Body lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause baby I'm up in my bidness
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

Imma treat you like a teddy bear
You won't wanna go nowhere
In the lap of luxury
Baby just turn to me
You won't want for nothing boy
I will give you plenty
Touch my body

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah oh yeah
Oh oh oh oh yeah
Touch my body...

when an old friend dies

just a few minuntes ago i learned that my busmate in GS and HS, emanuel gabatin, died last feb 24 08.. and i am really in shock! he was one of those busmates of mine i considered as a kuya since he was also close to my real ate.. at 27 he's dead! grabe! shocking!

i remember he was really jolly and funny. like he does not have any care at all. i would almost always see him reading or studying even inside the school bus. in school i would see him surrounded by friends - always laughing. his waterloo - JERALDINE! shoot i till remember! he was so in love with this girl.. i wonder what happened to them? moving on..

a few weeks ago, i was thinking i would look him up since we live in the same village.. for old times sake.. i was planning to look up all my previous busmates and see what they were up to.. ahaha.. the ever sentimental freak in me.. and then i got busy with work and i had no time to do what i had planned.. and then this..

i can honestly say that the pain and the feeling of loss will NEVER fade away.. i am not being a bitch about this.. i have gone through this with my mom and that is - what 6 years ago! the pain will always be there.. there are days where the pain is unbearable and you would want to simply break down and cry.. and then there are days where you just know he / she is looking down at you with pride..

i hope i get to do what i planned - bringing together all my busmates... and i hope they still remember me! LOL..

to kuya emmanuel wherever you are.. till we meet again!

mahirap maging babae

most of the time maarte and tawag sa amin.. marami ang naiinis pero it's so true! no doubt about it.. maarte sa hair, sa katawan at sa lahat ng bagay! and i have a theory.. it's the hormones dude! i realized that i want to make paganda whenever i finish my monthly.. research nga ako dito.. LOL!

syempre i want to feel good about myself.. bonus na lang yong my bf can't take his hands off me! pero primarily i am bored with the way i look and all and it so happens that i feel this way right after my period..

last week i had a hair treatment, then i had my eyebrows trimmed. this thursday my friend and i will have a laser treatment sa underarm and a facial and i am planning to have my hair rebonded again on sat or sun.. ahahaha! parang malaki magagawa! ahahaha! as my uncle would say "wala ng magagawa kung pangit!" LOL! kahit pangit atleast you feel good about yourself! AMEN!

for my pets

a few weeks ago, i made write up for my babies - that is our pets and i realized that i wanted to do something special for them. i wanted to feature them to other other people especially in our personal website (http://www.burnswria.com/) and one funny thing i cooked up with is to have a professional picture made with them. that is, i will bring them to a photography studio and ask them to well take our picture. not just any picture, i want us (me and my pets) to wear funking outfits and play and stuff like that. heck if they can do that on tv why can't i do it in real life! ahahaha! seriously!

reyna ng sablay

why not. kung may hari ng sablay may reyna and that is me..
i am not saying that bernard is the hari..
pwede namang may reyna na walang hari diba?
moving on.. reyna talaga ako ng sablay.
lately, sablay ako sa
work
family
relationships

wala na talaga akong nagawang tama.
meron naman pero it's overshadowed by the many
and i mean many sablay's that i have

i am a big disappointment
to my family
to my friends
to bernard
to st scho

kahit hindi nila sabihin i know
i can feel it.

pero this does not and will not
stop me from living
i make mistakes
and will make make mistakes - yes
but i will still go on..
i have to..

sorry na lang ng sorry forever.
trial and error..
i hope makita din nila
the things that i did right
the things i am doing right

sabog lang talaga ako ngayon
too many things to think about.
so many things to do
and so little time.

bernard would not agree to this
ahahaha
sablay ako lagi sa kanya eh
from the start even when we were in college
i can hear him say hindi lang ako sabog ngayon
i am sabog EVER SINCE
really!
may authority sya eh
we have been together for 6 years (and counting)
and we seldom part
as in almost every waking and sleeping moment
andun ata sya
so he knows me inside out.
kaya may authority to say that
pero he lets me be
pinagbibigyan most of the time
kasi i will always insist on it
in the end sablay naman at disappointed naman
and he is thinking to himself
bakit hinayaan pa nya.

eh love nya ako eh
yun yon!

pero i know
there will come a time na
sasabihin ng mga tao sa paligid ko
enough is enough
i don't know if i would be ready
with whatever reactions that they will have.

i will just take it as a lady
and cry!
BWAHAHA
ang then i will pick up
the pieces of myself and
walk on..

what a day!

in my previous blog i wrote in detail my day to day activities or should i say thinking sprees.
this time my day shifted, although i am not sure if it is getting worse or better.
i talked to my coordinators today and found out that they noticed i lacked planning - in the lesson plans that i do and in the lessons of our students in general. after all the thinking i have been doin everyday i still lack planning! i think planning is not really my problem but which area to concentrate on. i am literally "sabog" mind, body and soul. it was the first time i cried in in sheer frustration and stress. i feel totally drained. and still my s*** mind is whirling..

how was your day?

how does your day end and start?

mine starts at 5 am
my phone rings to remind me to wake up
i turn it off, sleep a little more
stand up to heat water
lie down again
finally standing up to take a bath
after the morning rituals of dressing up, make up and such
i'm off to school

all the while i am thinking of the things
i have to do
and
want to do

in school, i eat bfast with friends
do some of the things on my list
think of other things i have forgotten
to include on my list
attend a meeting
or
have an extention class
or
have a club meeting

all the while, planning
what to teach my class next
what activity sheets to do
what visual aids to prepare

my junior prep class starts
i teach
i see things i need to do
and i write it down
classes ends
i kiss my students goodbye
and head of to the faculty room

all the while, memorizing my new list

i rest for a while
work a little
think more
write more
think some more
head for home

all the while, reviewing what i have memorized

i come home
tired
drained
pressured

and still
my list is long
accomplishments none

will this be by routine for the rest of my life?

i wonder if some people do the same things i do
think and think and think

i wonder if there will come a time that i get to limit my list finally
to get to focus on one or even two things only

i wonder if i would ever get to simply relax when i am home
to even enjoy a movie after work like we used to do
to hang out with friends and drink coffee


included in my plans is to talk to my collegues
and try to have a system to limit our cramming days
and stress
and somehow it dawned to me
that they may not even feel the way i feel
that maybe i simply
think too much
expect too much
want too much

or

it's really that
i have
tons
and
tons
of
things
to
do!

i found a rosary today

while walking in taft avenue this morning i saw a rosary on the floor.
i was suddenly in a delema..
should i pick it up
or should i go on my way and completely forget about that rosary.
would you believe i stood at that island for about 5 minutes thinking about this!
i thought well if that be a 20 peso or even 10 peso coin i would surely not hesitate to pick it up. as they say, coins picked up in sidewalks etc are lucky.

just as suddenly, i picked up the rosary and placed it firmly in my pocket.
come to thing of it having a rosary would not only bring me luck but closer to God.
is this a sign Lord that i have to enter the convent? LOL
i actually took it as a sign that God is calling me back to him..
with my limited time and jumbled thoughts
i am not able to say even a small prayer of anything!
no Lord thank you,
no Lord please
no nothing

and now i feel guilty
the Lord has blessed me with so many things
he has given me good health
a beautiful family
a good job
everything i have always wanted and needed
and i say nothing

worst i do not even take care of the things He has given me
i have not taken care of my health for the longest time
taking my young for granted
i eat whatever, do whatever

i have not seen my family for more than 2 weeks now
i don't call
i don't text (although i wanted to)

i am all work lately
and i still feel i need to do more in this area..

i don't want to be like this forever
putting God at the back seat
i wanted to be close to Him again
but the more i push myself
the more i lose

often i tell bernard to take it slow
maybe this time i have to follow my own advise
taking things slow

i believe..